


All I Ever Wanted

by Anselion



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Bella isn’t psycho, Charlie is an amazing dad, Depression, F/M, Healthy Relationships, Imprinting, Rare Pair, Realistic mental illness, complete Au because the series had so many issues that need fixing, healthy relationships and better than toxic ones, tags are weird but oh well, wolfpack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 08:56:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21317515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anselion/pseuds/Anselion
Summary: Life is a series of events. One thing can lead to another, some things can leave you broken and afraid, some things can leave you whole and warm. When they left, she was sure they had taken any warmth with them, which was rather ironic. But then he was there, like a Beacon in the endless sea, drawing her slowly back to the safety of shore.
Relationships: Bella Swan/Sam Uley, Paul Lahote/Bella Swan
Comments: 12
Kudos: 63





	1. Ice and Fire

The other side of the bed was cold, but not in the way she had grown use to. The sheets were pristine and empty, no hard body raking up the space beside her. The ache in her joints reminded her, painfully, of the frightening cold of the darkness which had steadily inched through the forest. The pain in her chest reminded her pitifully of the absent present in her bed. Her neck protested when she finally turned it to the left. The battered, broken form crumpled in the rocking chair made the pain of her chest grow. “Dad,” was that her voice? It must have been, the worn man’s head lifted with an audible snap and she winced for him.

“Bella,” He simpered and was immediately beside her, calloused hands cupping her face. Neither of them had ever been too keen on affectionate displays, and yet neither bothered to care as he peppered her face and hair with kisses. “You’re awake, you’re okay.” He repeated the four words like a mantra, as if he needed to repeated reminder. She didn’t feel okay, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell them that, to tell him everything hurt and she wasn’t sure where her heart was because her chest felt empty and hollow.

“What happened?” She asked, felt the tension of her father’s hands and immediately regretted it. Charlie’s eyes found hers, grief so strong in them that she found herself whimpering.

“You were gone, Bells. For nearly two days.” She had? She couldn’t remember anything beyond the pain and cold. No — no that wasn’t right. She had been warm. Hadn’t she? She felt her brows furrowing, trying to piece the puzzle of her mind together when that warmth swept through the room like a spark before erupting into a full blown fire. Her gaze moved from Charlie to the door, eyes drawn to that flame.

“Chief,” a voice. She knew that voice, that voice had spoken to her, though she had once thought it had been in her dreams. Could dream voices come alive? She blinked owlishly at the door. The man, or perhaps bear was a better word, who stood at the threshold of her door was large, massive really. Just one bicep looked like the size of her head. Briefly she marveled at how he actually fit in the room, surely he was too tall. And why was he shirtless? Her gaze traveled from his chest down thick thighs and calves to bare feet. Why was he barefooted?

“Sam,” Charlie greeted in turn and rose, drawing her eyes away from the flame to her father. “Thank you,” she had never heard such sincerity from him before. “Doc said any longer and she may not have made it,” she wasn’t sure how she felt about that knowledge. Her gaze traveled back to her door only to find dark eyes on her.

‘_Warm_’ her mind supplied at the intensity of that dark gaze. He radiated heat and warmth and comfort and she decided she wished she could bottle it up for any dark day for the rest of her life. Part of her wanted to reach out now and just climb into that warmth and never leave.

“I’m glad,” the voice was more of a rumble, the sound vibrating from her toes to her nose. It was a nice sound. ‘_Warm_’ her mind supplied again. “Isabella,” the man greeted her, stepping further into the room, “what happened? Did he leave you out here?” She didn’t know how he knew she hadn’t been alone, but the mention of him, of them, sent a bucket of icy water cascading over her. They were gone. She whimpered, the man’s eyes widening and... something, or maybe she was seeing things, but for a moment she thought she saw his eyes flash.

“I followed,” She found myself croaking, throat screaming its disapproval at the process, “I tried to follow and got lost. He didn’t know...” but that didn’t seem exactly right. No, he had known. He couldn’t have been oblivious to her chasing. The flame and Charlie seemed to agree with that thought, though neither could have been aware she thought it at all.

“I see,” the flame, Sam is what Charlie had called him, rumbles again. His gaze wavered from her to Charlie, “I just wanted to check in and see if there was any improvement, and I see that there has been. Let me know if you need anything, Chief. The Council and Tribe is here if you need us,” Charlie seemed shocked by that but nodded and muttered words of acceptance and thanks. “Isabella, it’s good to see you awake,” a tip of the head and then the flame was gone, brushing gracefully from the room like they always did. But unlike when they left, the warmth left the room with his departure.

She wanted to reach out, to grasp that warmth and haul it back, but it was gone before She could even part her lips to speak.

____________________________________

**Twilight had so many issues, let’s be honest. The relationships were unrealistic even for supernatural shenanigans and so incredibly toxic. They were all poorly written and just, it was a mess. So here we are. My take on what SHOULD have been. **


	2. One vs All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter posted! Ultimately I cannot decide if I prefer a Sam/Bella or Paul/Bella pairing for this piece so we will just see how the story progresses! This fic differs greatly from the books as stated before. I will not touch in the toxic, fake mental health Stephanie Myers pushes on Bella. Yes she will still suffer from depression and anxiety and the like, but it will be real. I will touch on what that truly feels like, even in a depressive episode and what Stephanie Myers attempted to write was not it.
> 
> I hope to update once a week. Either on sundays or Tuesdays!

Chapter 2

She punched a werewolf. An actual werewolf. Or, we’ll maybe a shapeshifter, not a werewolf. She would have to look into it more once she got home, assuming she wasn’t going to be mauled. Right, mauled, because she punched one of them. In the face. And then with only the vibrations of his form as warning, man became beast and she was staring at the hulking form of black and silver. Because he was a wolf. And she punched him. 

Really it’s arguable that she was in shock, but she wasn’t afraid. In fact, she found herself stepping towards the wolf again, Jacob snarling a warning from behind her. Snarling, because he was one of them. It all made sense now. The mass of black and silver before her barred its teeth, but even his eyes were uncertain, wary of the approaching human and the lack of fear.

“Isabella,” her head popped up at the sound of her name, glancing at Sam Uley who seemed to be coiled tight, so tight she thought the slightest pressure might cause him to snap. “Please step away from Paul. He would not mean to, but he could accidentally harm you in this state.” She turned her gaze back to the wolf whose ears swiveled with each sound. She wanted to touch them, and she doubted very strongly that the wolf would do anything to harm her. But she still found herself dutifully obeying and taking a step away from the wolf, Paul is what Sam had called him. Her brows furrowed and she spun to Jacob who seemed to shrink under her gaze. 

“I couldn’t tell you, Bells. Alpha’s orders,” his gaze flickered to Sam but Bella’s remained firmly fixed on Jacob. The teen flinched again, “I swear, Bells. I wanted to tell you!”

“You wanted to tell her a lot more,” a new voice snorted from behind her and she turned in time to see that the black and silver wolf had phased back and was fastening a pair of shorts back onto his hips. Their gazes locked together briefly, the male scowling at her, body still tense as it had been when he phased, “helluva left hook,” he grunted, turning his eyes away finally, “for a leech lover.” So they knew then, about the Cullens. 

Her gaze finally twisted back to Sam, watching the man who had found her only a few short weeks ago. His words at the time now made more sense. ‘Have you’ instead of ‘are you’ — she wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about that. She watched as the man took a slow inhale and then jerked his heard towards the house, “you and Jacob should talk. Bring her by the house tonight, we’ll talk more then.”

Despite not wanting to just speak with Jacob, she followed him towards the little house and sat and listened. She listened to the excuses and the promises and she found she couldn’t quite smile at him. He had lied to her. He had already broken a promise and now she was left hollow and with the memory of her first abandonment fresh in her mind once again. 

Sam Uley’s home wasn’t anything fancy, but it was warm and despite its size, it held all five of the wolves plus Bella and another girl, and still had room to spare. The couch and chairs were a nice leather, and all of the tables and the kitchen chairs seemed custom made. The dishes drying on the rack were mismatched and there was a second freezer tucked in the corner of the kitchen from what she could see. She didn’t have much time to settle and relax before she was gathered into a bear hug, Embry nuzzling into her shoulder with a low rumble that she would bet her life on being a purr. Sam and Paul were in a heated discussion, or maybe argument was the right word, by the back door and the one she had yet to be introduced to sat on one of the couches with the other girl cuddled on his lap. 

“Hey, you must be Bella!” The girl chirped, Bella didn’t even flinch from the cheery tone. It wasn’t fake joy like so many had, the petite girl — but not Pixie like as Alice had been — seemed to genuinely just be happy. “I’m Kim! This is Jared, if no one has bothered to tell you,” she tipped her head back to brush thin lips against Jared’s jaw. “And you already seem to know Embry and Jacob, and of course Sam, and that leaves Paul,” she rolled her eyes at the growl that came from the broadest of the pack. Bella found her eyes drifting back to the arguing pair just in time to see Sam giving Paul a sharp look before adopting a kind smile as he approached her.

“Did Jake explain everything?” Bella shrugged a bit, looking from Sam to Jacob and then back again.

“Some, he told me about the legends when I first moved back, before I got together with E..” she winced, chin ducking to her chest and hands stuffing into her back pockets, “him. He told me that you are the Alpha, and that he,” she tipped her head towards Paul, “is the Zeta I guess? The third in charge, and also the strongest fighter. He said he wasn’t sure about Beta, guess it’s a tie between him and Jared?” She gave a curious look to the couple curled together on the couch and got a reassuring nod from Jared. 

“Right. Jacob is the True Alpha, it’s his birth right according to the Elders, I am just a stand in,” she found her nose wrinkling at Sam’s words.

“Bull,” she muttered, drawing a growl from Jared and a louder one from Paul. Sam cocked his head and she fidgeted a bit, “not that you’re the alpha,” she clarified to Sam. “It’s just that — well, the pack is based on a real pack, right? There is no such thing as a birthright to be alpha. An Alpha is a parental unit,” she scuffed the toe of her Converse against the floor, “an alpha is kind and fair but strong and steady. They lead their pack as a family. An alpha isn’t thrust into the role just because. An alpha is an alpha because they are the strongest and most mature or responsible one of a pack. A pack dad, if you will. And that just isn’t Jake, no offense.” She could see her words were taken poorly by Jacob though, but she struggled to really care. Sam chuckled and motioned for her to take a seat before settling himself into one of the chairs. 

“I suppose that makes sense. You are taking this rather well,” she shrugged, pulling at her fingers. 

“I dated a vampire, why can one thing be real but not the rest?”


	3. Hungry?

It wasn’t that she had a death wish, because she didn’t. Trouble and danger and pain simply had a way of following her around and messing everything up. And that’s how she found herself being carried through the woods by one Paul Lahote who looked like he would rather be anywhere but there. “How many of these damn leeches do you even know,” he snarled, eyes firmly fixed ahead. She blinked at him twice before shrugging. 

“Laurent was a part of three nomads who I met last year,” she explained, resting her head on his shoulder, trying to will the pain in her temple and ankle away. “One of his companions, James, I guess he was a tracker — he was obsessed with the hunt, and _they_ made me the best hunt yet. We ended up in Arizona, i thought he had my mom so I snuck away from them to go see him so he would let her go. He bit me,” she twisted her wrist slightly to display the crescent shaped scar on her wrist, “but they sucked the poison out. It’s why I was so hurt when I got home, they made it out like I fell out of a window.” Paul’s arms had steadily grown tighter around her, a low rumble vibrating his chest. “They killed him, but his mate — the red head, Victoria. She’s obsessed now I guess. A mate for a mate, and until I’m dead, she won’t stop hunting me. That’s just their way.”

“Until she is dead,” Paul snapped, shooting her a mildly annoyed glare. “I don’t know why, but Sam and the baby Alpha and Embry and Quill like you; that makes you pack, and we protect the pack.” She watched him for several moments before laying her he’d back down on his shoulder.

“They like me, but do you?” She couldn’t really explain it, wasn’t really sure she wanted to, but she didn’t like the thought of anyone in the pack disliking her. She heard the soft snort and twisted her head up to watch him again. 

He said nothing though, continuing the trek out of the forest. “What were you even doing out there?” He asked after several beats of silence. “You were out pretty far, not too far from where we found you that first time.” She didn’t need any clarification on what he meant by the first time. 

“Promise you won’t laugh or mock me?” She didn’t really expect anything from that, but she watched his eyes roll and the jerky nod he gave and felt herself smiling slightly. “I thought that maybe if I found the meadow he had taken me to that I could, I don’t know, move on I guess. Everything was dead though, none of the flowers were there.” He said nothing to that either, and said nothing for the rest of the journey. She was almost asleep, killed into the darkness thanks to his heat, when they broke the tree line and approached her small home. 

“I don’t dislike you,” She wasn’t entirely sure she heard him right, but she wasn’t about to question it, handing her keys over without prompting. The house was cold, or maybe everything was cold without the warmth of a shifter pressed against her. She missed that warmth, and wasn’t that a weird thought after months of her constant companions’ chilling touches. 

Paul hesitated at the threshold after setting her down before blowing out a heavy breath and moving into the house, digging around beneath the sink before coming out with a first aid kit. “Do you buy these wholesale?” He taunted, lifting her around the waist with one arm and carrying her to the couch. “You must go through them like candy,” his laughter was loud as she seated him with one of the pillows on the couch, a booming, deep belly laugh that brought a smile to her own lips and a much softer laughter flittering past chapped lips. He bound her foot from her toes to mid calf, fingers nimble and soft despite their size. “Try not to put too much weight on this for a few days. I don’t think it’s anything serious, pulled or maybe sprained. If it stills hurts in a few days, go see the doctor.” His fingers moved to her temple then, poking and prodding at the steadily forming lump. “This, however, I’m not sure about. I don’t honk you have a concussion but I’ll have whoever is on watch tonight check in every couple of hours just in case. Hopefully it’s just gonna bruise.”

She didn’t ask how he knew so much, she didn’t really think she would get an honest answer, so she simply nodded along and when he backed away, she almost reached out to keep him in place, instead she slowly rose to her own feet. “Hungry?” It wasn’t a necessary question, but his lips quirked up into another grin so she figured it was worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I know it was a little short! I’m trying to get past the biggest book parts, once that happens, things will pick up and the real story begins! As always, please leave a review and let me know what you think<3


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